Another Free Promotion

For the week of March 6th, Affirmations and Other Poems will be offered for free for the whole week.  Just go to Smashwords.com and enter this promo code:  RE100, to get your copy.

Read and enjoy!

No More Excuses

It's getting more and more difficult to go to my job.  Not only does my creativity suffer because I'm too tired to do the things I enjoy doing once I arrive home, but I just think I'm too old (even though 52 is not really old) to keep going on like this.  Things haven't been so great for me financially for quite some time now, and I'm relegated to catching the bus to and from work mostly every day.  Sometimes I get rides from co-workers and friends, but after a while, if you have just a smidgen of pride, you eventually get tired of asking for rides.   

 

This job (although I'm grateful to have an income of any kind in today's economy) is the first job I've had that has actually made me want to quit before having something else in place.  You see, I work at an urban public school system and things can get pretty crazy to say the least.  There are fights and then there are more fights.  Oh, did I mention the fighting? 

Once when I was working at a local high school, a girl was jumped by some other girls.  When the victim's mom came to the school to assess the situation, another fight broke out just outside of the office where I was working.  The next thing I know, the brouhaha spilled over into the main office and the mother ended up being handcuffed by security, accused of hitting one of the students after being struck in the face herself, resulting in the breaking of her $500.00 pair of glasses.  This was amazing to me.  I know, I know, this sort of thing happens in urban public school systems everyday, but I simply refused to be so desensitized that these occurrences no longer bothered me.  To this day, I am still appalled at the whole thing.

So, there I sat, waiting for the trap door to open underneath my desk as a way of escape.  Of course, it never opened (probably because it was imaginary), and I remained in the same room with this mess.  Lord, what did I do to deserve this?  When can I get out?  How soon can I expect my deliverance?  Calgon, take me away...

As I sat and watched this melee of bad behavior, I began to second guess all my past decisions.  What would have happened, I thought, if I had gone through with my plans to join the Army Reserve instead of letting my mother talk me out of it?  Where would I be in the world right now?  Would I have done the 4 years and out, gone to college afterwards, and been in a completely different career?  Would I be working as a writer in New York, California, or even Paris?  Hmmmm... I can't help but wonder.

Or what would've happened if I hadn't let my father talk me out of playing the flute?  Would I be a flautist extraordinaire by now?  What would the outcome have been if I had continued to follow my dreams of full time artistry or writing?  For years I pursued a career in the fine arts.  I painted and created works of art on a regular basis.  I sold work and showed in gallery showings around the city where I live.  As a writer, my poetry was published in various anthologies while I did the local poetry circuit.  Even though the money was sporadic (I was still working a full-time job) it always came in handy.  I can't help but wonder where I would be now if I had continued doing shows, creating art, and writing poetry, essays, and short stories.  Oh well...

Living has a way of getting in the way of life... 

Because I had to do what it takes to live, my life as an artist, writer, creator, was put on hold―for many years.  Now, at 52 years of age, I have to remind myself constantly that all is not lost.  Things could certainly be worse.  The problem I'm having is with my feeling that I should be much farther in my accomplishments than I am at this point.  Exactly how did I get derailed from the path of fulfilling my dreams and aspirations?

Living has a way of getting in the way of life... 

Now, instead of dwelling on a past that I cannot change, I have to do what's necessary to accomplish what I've set out to do.  The greatest lesson for a procrastinator to learn is simply this: in order for me to accomplish anything, I must finish what I start.  No more unfinished projects.  Even if I have to take them on one at a time, I have to complete what I'm working on.  There has to be a determination and a drive to keep at it until it's done.  Then I can move on to the next project.  Even if I start a number of projects one right behind the other, I must take the time to finish each one in its entirety.  There has to be closure.  Unfinished projects sitting on the shelf collecting dust must no longer be an option for me.

So I make a vow to myself to finish what I start, to accomplish what I set out to do and to follow my dreams until I catch up with them.  I thank God that through the life, death, burial, and resurrection of His Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I have the ability to reach far beyond the walls of my immediate environment and aim for the stratosphere.  One project at a time.

BABY SHOES

Okay.  So

this guy walks up to me an’ my girl-homey while we coolin’ it on the steps at her house an’ he sees her little girl is coolin’ it on the grass an’ he’s got this little bag with him an’ then hey says “hey miss, what size shoe yo’ baby wear?” real quick and whispery like so my girl-homey says “size 8” an’ he says “i got some gym shoes for little girl feet/only costya 5 dollus” an’ my girl-homey says “i just bought her a pair” an’ then he says “3 dollus” an’ my girl-homey says “sorry brother/things is kinda tight money-wise” an’ so after my girl-homey says that he looks real sad in the face an’ turns an’ walks away mumblin’ somethin’ under his breath that sounds like it coulda been “thanks anyway” an’ after that we just sorta looks at each other an’ after that we 3 just goddup an’ went in the house to watch TV.

Fear and the Creative Mind

In November of this year I will celebrate my 53rd birthday.  I feel like I’m living in one of those time lapse commercials; I woke up and suddenly I was, as the old folks say, half-a-hundred.  So immediately I start thinking and rethinking my past―probably, too much.  I begin to travel down a very dangerous road and have somehow ended up on Second Guess Yourself Blvd.  I begin to question many of my past decisions and that’s not good when you’re stuck in an unpleasant situation and unable to make any immediate changes. 

Don’t get me wrong, I thank God for the opportunity to see 50 and beyond, and I am grateful for everything I have, including my dead end job, which people are losing left and right due to the economic downturn.  It’s just that I feel I’m due for a major change since I've reached a major milestone in my life.  Yet the question remains, what am I willing to do in order to invoke said change?

Coming off a particularly difficult year (2010 was not a joke), I am at times discouraged and hard-pressed to keep up the momentum of moving toward my dreams.  So I pray, and ask God to stir up the gifts He’s placed in me.  I pray for Him to show me how to utilize said gifts and turn them into a lucrative business venture.  As a writer, there are many opportunities for me to partake of.  My problem, I think, is the fear of putting myself out there.  Will I be able to accomplish what I set out to do?  Can I duplicate or exceed my current salary, (which shouldn’t be too hard considering it doesn’t amount to much, but I’m not complaining).  Will my clients be impressed or want their money back?  Will I be able to compete with other, more experienced writers?  And the all encompassing dilemma, what should I write about?  All of these questions are currently running through my mind and I am in a constant fight not to allow these issues to paralyze me.  In the midst of all of this chaos, I’ve discovered something very profound: fear is extremely dangerous to the creative mind.  Why?  Because it can literally keep you from even trying.

No matter how talented you are (or think you are), or how many gifts God has endowed you with, if you do not use them, then your gifts are no good to you, the people they may help, or the services they may fill. 

I once heard a minister say, “Do it in your fear.”  “It” being whatever that thing is that you’re afraid of doing; whatever that dream, goal, or aspiration that God has placed on and in your heart.  This is a hard lesson to learn, but one that needs to be achieved nonetheless.  This year I intend to stretch beyond my fear and do “it” anyway.  I intend to reach out to new audiences and those I’ve already established.  I intend to write more and procrastinate less.  Whatever fears I may have will be placed on the backburner, pushed to the recesses of my mind. 

I will learn to do it in my fear until I conquer it.

I cope with what happens around me by spilling my emotions onto paper.  As a writer, I look for solutions from within, through the evaluation of self and the environment around me.  Then I ask myself, what can I do to change things? 

I've been pushed into making a decision that will change the course of my life; to launch out into the deep, and to trust what God has said about me. Now its time for my hands to put forth the creativity instilled in them.  Writing is my love. I want it to become my livelihood as well. A new opportunity has risen out of the ashes; the motivation to love the work that I do—and to do the work that I love.  I can only hope that "my love" will push me hard into the realm of the inspired and the creative and that once I arrive, I’ll be more than happy to stay put.

A New Year Plan

The first month of the New Year is almost over so I thought I’d take stock of what I’ve done so far to get closer to the realization of my dreams and aspirations.

Since reaching and surpassing my 50^th birthday ( I am now 52), I have determined to partake of my own brand of extreme makeover, and in the process, I've set some major goals for myself.  Instead of proclaiming the normal “resolutions” for the New Year, I’ve decided that reaching my goals should be more of a lifestyle change as well as a life-long endeavor.  So, my quest to better myself is as follows:

Get closer to God through an increase in prayer and studying His Word.                    

I need what the old saints refer to as a Refreshing.  Life sort of beat me down in 2010, I went through some things that I NEVER thought would happen to me. Yet, through the Grace of God, I survived. I'm reminded that in 2011, strengthening my relationship with the Father is essential for every other phase of my success.  Unfortunately, life and the process of living it can get in the way, pushing back what's most important.

           

Recognizing that God is my source of peace, love, financial stability, creativity, and everything else that keeps me afloat prevents me from giving up. My relationship with Jesus is what helps me through the daily bombardment of issues, worldly as well as personal that tend to overwhelm the soul.  I'm glad to know that everything that concerns me, concerns Him, and that He has instructed me through His Word to cast my cares upon Him because He cares for me. 

Get my writing career in gear.

As an employee of my city's Board of Education, I usually have summers off (Hallelujah)!  This leaves plenty of time to work on my own projects (I've been asked but rarely work summer school).  Now, what has happened over the years is that I've done NOTHING, made NO PREPARATIONS, and I end up struggling for 2 months to make ends meet.  Well, I’m working to change all of that this year.  If necessary, I’ll bite the bullet and work summer school, but my original plan, with the help of the Lord, is to write, write, write, and self-publish more of my work.  I also am looking to enter a few contests and get my feet wet by having others critique my work (OUCH!)  

I’ve come to realize that I absolutely must do a little each day toward marketing my work, developing a major internet presence, and getting myself in the public arena.  It is my goal to match and then exceed my salaried income.  The public school system I work for is undergoing some serious changes, and not for the better of its support staff. Lay-offs are many and are becoming more frequent.  It is painfully evident that I cannot (nay, I will not) be at the mercy of my employer any longer.  Yet, establishing myself as a creative force takes time, so I figure I'd better get started now. 

Losing weight.

Okay, I know.  This is just about everyone's New Years Resolution. However, I started before the end of the year due to health reasons.  My doctor diagnosed me with a lot of nasty stuff, and I simply refuse to go out that way!  I am currently on meds but I don’t intend for this to be a permanent situation.  The weight must come off.  I've set goals of how much weight I want to lose and I am determined to move around a lot more. 

Well, here's my plan for the year.  Have you moved closer to your dreams?

                 

Harlem Renaissance Time

Had I been a part

of that

Harlem Renaissance…

the creations of colorful

people of

COLOR

in this joint

that joint

and the other,

perhaps…

I would’ve run

into Langston Hughes,

who I guarantee you

would’ve surely

been my Lover.

We’d listen to

Songbirds chime,

drink literary wine,

in this

Harlem Renaissance time,

when Langston Hughes

would’ve surely

been my Lover.

Book Giveaway

Hello all my readers and writers.  I'm sponsoring a book giveaway for my collection of poems, Affirmations: and Other Poems.  Just trot on over to Smashwords.com and get your free copy.  Put in the coupon code JU92N at check-out.  This promotion ends February 26, 2011.  So get your copy, read, enjoy, and let me know what you think.  If you have a writer's review blog or forum, please feel free to review my book on Smashwords.com and Amazon.com.

Thanks and Happy Reading!

Inside My Head

This is hard.  I'm thinking constantly about this novel that I'm supposed to be writing, and though I've done research for it and written a semi-story synopsis, I still can't get this thing down on paper (or on my hard drive as the case may be).  I hear dialogue in my head, I hear narrative in my head, I see my character and the villains she is to encounter.  I can hear it, see it, why can't I write it?

The process of waiting for your muse to kick in is a very painful one for me.  I get excited about the story idea, and I even make a few notes.  But when it comes time for the rubber to meet the road, I can't seem to focus enough to sit down and write.  So how do you keep the idea alive.  How do you keep the story from dying and becoming a faint memory of yet another  project placed on the dusty shelf of your mind?

First, I pray.  Then I pray some more.  Then I read.  And then I read some more.  Then, I talk about it.  I talk about my idea as much as possible.  I talk to myself, and anyone else who'll listen.  I don't give away everything because I don't know everything, yet. Still, talking is how I keep the dream alive.  Since there's still nothing tangible, I'll say something like, "I'm writing a book.  It's in the development stages," meaning I haven't written anything yet, but I'm rolling it around in my brain.   This is how I eventually get the idea unstuck.

So I'll keep praying, reading, and talking until I get to the most important step, which is writing.

One Woman’s Legacy

doings    speakings

emotions      thinkings

ideas       ideals

images        impressions

that rip and run and scream and shout

awakening the consciousness of

future people…

blazing     engraving

in their hearts  on their minds

wishes     dreams

concepts schemes

that intrigue and insight revolution and evolution

reawakening the consciousness of

future people.